Correct me if I'm wrong, but...

I think you've been parched for authentic conversation for such a long time.
And not just the whispered conversations in libraries
Not the fragmented, impersonal text strung together and exchanged on electronic screens
Not a line or two in a postcard, skimming over anything close to personal
Or neatly picked words, rehearsed speech over coffee or tea

No.
You're craving honesty, intimacy, the good, bad, uncomfortable, funny, serious, embarrassing, silly, profound.
You want to share dreams and fears.
Pet peeves and passions.
Guilty pleasures and favorite memories.
You want to spill your guts and bleed all over everything, for better or for worse.

(I'm sorry. I can't do that for you.)

((stream of consciousness))

Lazy Morning.

I woke up slowly, went upstairs and got some coffee, and climbed back into bed and stayed there for a least and hour listening to sappy songs and talking to Kim online.

Most mornings when Kim is here, she and I have random talks about nothings that turn into something while she’s getting ready, blow drying her hair and asking me if her outfit looks okay, and I’m drinking coffee or eating cereal. So I guess this felt like the right way to start out the day.

I ended up looking at old photos of Cate, for some reason. The same haunting feeling came over me. The whole thing is haunting. I won’t get over that feeling.

I ended up thinking of Mate’ Monday that I shared with Sara yesterday. That was haunting too, in a way. So much that has happened recently seems surreal.

My heart started breaking all over again for the hurting people in my life. I wish I knew the right things to do/say/feel for these people, but lately I don't feel like I do. Loving used to be the one thing I was good at.